Tag Archives: life

Breathe.

In a recent conversation with my sister, she told me something her mother use to tell her.

Let’s say you want a new car. Something more sporty, or more functional..bigger..smaller.. However, there are papers, old bottles, trash, stale food, and mail with stains all over the seats of your current vehicle. You haven’t washed it in weeks. You’ve been praying, thinking happy thoughts a wishing for a new car, but nothing is happening.

Why?

Because, God can’t bring something new and shiny into your life until you can prove that you can take care of the old stuff first. How can he bring you a new car when you can’t take care of the old one?

This is my life.

I’m a left-handed, uber creative, 20 something, Gemini….. If that wasn’t enough to be stacked against me, I also run my own business where I have no help.

I’m crazy stressed due to a lot of things, and I have wished, prayed and tried to remain positive, thinking that things would turn around. They aren’t. Why? My soul is sad, my heart hurts and emotionally I’m unstable.

I know that God can’t give me the life I deserve until I can control the life I have in front of me.

So, I’m taking a step way back. I have projects I need to finish and then I am regrouping to make my life better on my own terms.

I have several opportunities in the upcoming months that will be amazing… Its just a matter of getting there.

I will actively be trying to remove the angry/sad/mad/worried posts from Facebook and I will not continue to post in that manner. I know it hinders me from moving forward and also makes me seem more unstable.

I realize that many people feel like I lack direction, and that I seem all over the place.

The truth is, I am.

However, I am the happiest when I am doing several different things at once. It may seem confusing, but I have a plan. I am passionate about all things and I truly love life and people.

One day you will see all that.

Please also remember that I am 27, and trying to find my place in this world. Please think back to when you were at this age.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you so not mistake my upcoming silence for lack of interest or care as that is not the case. Often times I care too much.

Please do not mistake my silence for lack of caring or interest as that is not the case.

Have a good night. Thanks for reading this.

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What is it about ME?

There is a chance that by reading the above title you are thinking this is going to be a whine session about my life.

You….. are partly correct and partly COMPLETELY WRONG.. but first you were correct.

I just have one question…. which may come as a series of questions in a moment.

Why do I annoy myself so much? I literally feel like I am driving myself insane, which means I must drive others insane as well.

I lose motivation in the blink of an eye. I never know what I want (too many choices). Once I do pick out what I want I have no patience to wait for it to happen. I’m a dreamer. I’ve got big ideas and I want them all to happen right now. When I am forced to follow the dreams of someone else, I fall into a pit of self loathing and I just splash around in it until another deadline hits and I need to pull myself out. I want to do what I want, in a way that makes myself and others happy. I do not want to conform.

Is it because I am a girl? Is it because I am a Gemini, or Left Handed… or a Cali girl suck in a beachless town? Is it because I am creative?.. I hear creative minds are the worst to deal with. Maybe it’s a little of all those things????

Or perhaps…. what’s even worse.. It’s just me.

LET ME BE HAPPY UNIVERSE!!

I work my ass off and I try to please everyone… haven’t I earned up enough karma points to give me what I want?

Top 10 List:

  1. Sell the Mini
  2. Buy a new car (cheap, 4 dr, reliable)
  3. Finish paying bills.. between IRS and medical I need 5k
  4. FIX MY FUCKING SKIN…… I mean the older I get the worse my skin gets. I’ve finally gotten myself into a place where my weight doesn’t bother me.. my skin though.. WTF
  5. Expand my business, find an investor, open up a boutique/event space. I have a great idea for how to increase local business, community outreach and to make money for everyone. EcoLocalFriendly BEETCHS!
  6. Travel, find amazing fabrics and inspiration. Meet people.. make friends everywhere.
  7. Spend more time exploring new things with Matt and Isis
  8. Become a better hula dancer. Be more dedicated, thoughtful and dance with passion
  9. Find myself and then get lost in creativity again.
  10.  Read more, spend less time hunched over a sewing desk

After all that marriage, house, kids… blah.. all of that later.

Truly I want a successful business. I’m tired of struggling. I understand that your 20’s this is exactly what you are suppose to be doing.. but my my. they don’t tell you how exhausting it is.

I lied… this is all about me whining about my life.. but you’ve made it this far. so thanks.

rant over.

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