CAUTION: this is a ranting blog.. for the most part it has nothing to do with fashion or my designing.. but it’s frustrating and I am sure some of you might be going through this and can empathize with me.
Ok, here we go
Money is something that I never talk about. In fact I shy away from even trying to tell my clients the prices of their dresses in fear that one of them will tell me that I am charging them too much and demand a lower price, thus making me feel bad and forcing me to lower my price to one that makes them happy. I’m a people-pleaser I can’t help it. Lately I have been in a Last month was very slow on dress sales and I have been struggling to “get back on top”. I know that my generation is one that demands instant gratification so I post dresses on etsy, facebook, blog and tweet it up hoping that suddenly strangers will buy my work and pull me out of this financially induced stress attack. The truth is, THAT DOESN”T WORK. Maybe it happens in fairy tales or maybe it happens in real life, but not mine.
I try to sew new things everyday,anticipate what my clients or new client may be wanting next and try to do that. Truth is.. I work best when I am making money and since I’m not.. I find myself staring at my sewing machine in total angst. “WHY CAN”T YOU MAKE ME MORE MONEY!!!!????”
My next step? Getting “real” job. Which as most of you know I have been dragging my feet on for several months now. Yes, part of me secretly hopes that my design business will take off and that I will no longer have to worry about money and can actually do the things I want to do but the truth is.. I’m not qualified in this job market. In order to be a waitress.. you must have 5 years experience, a bachelor’s degree and magic tricks up your sleeve. No offense to those who have been waitressing for 5 years or more but that seems like a job you do when you’re in transition into something else.. raising money until you get to do that next big thing. I do not want to be a professional waitress who working until I am 70 at a small cafe serving people who will never remember my name.. *Sigh*
When I asked my friends about what they did the answer was always the same, “Lie on your resume”. WHAT?? I thought that was something people only did in movies. I have never lied on a resume and I am afraid that if I did I would forget about what I had lied about and slip up in the interviewing process. Now when I look on Craigslist for jobs that I could potentially apply for and lie about I can’t seem to find anything that I could do or fake for long enough. I’m not an engineer or an analyst or a director.. .p. maybe I should just stick with trying to own my business because clearly this market has no place for a girl like me.
So now you might be wondering, “How DOES Ashton make her money?” “All this bitching must be going somewhere” Well a couple of years ago I was lucky enough to work at a law firm and when I switch jobs (social media start-up) and then got fired because they refused to promote me unemployment kicked in from the law firm… for which I am very lucky. Granted I make only $1296 a month, pay $700 for rent (Trav gets the rest), $50 for Comcast internet, $300 (usually more) for food, $100 phone bill, $40 for Blockbuster and Netflix (I never leave my house I have to watch something) leaves me with about $106 which usually gets spent on Bart tickets, Zipcar or fabric. If I am lucky to have sold some dresses within the month then I try to go to the movies with Trav or it goes to food, maybe fabric. However no matter what I do I feel like I can never get ahead.. I’m always going negative in my account. UUHHHHHHH…. I have been broke for most of my life. Chalk it up to bad parenting, or lack of college knowledge but I really don’t know what I am supposed to be doing here. I’m 24 (yes I know I am young) but when I see people my age going out, buying stuff, going on trips.. etc. I get super jealous. Where did I go wrong in my life that I can’t do those things??
Since I don’t know the answers to that maybe I will focus on the good things that I have going on.
- I own my business at 24 doing exactly what I want to do
- I work hard and I feel good when clients come over and love my work
- I live in one o the most expensive cities in America with my awesome boyfriend who will travel to the ends of the earth to make me happy (I’m super lucky on that one)
- I have a great apartment in a nice part of town
- I love my clients.. each and every one of them
- I am not homeless
- I do not go full days without food (unless I want to)
- Smiling and laughing is free and necessary
Looking at the list shows me that it could be worse.. but then again it COULD be better.I really miss shopping
Would love to hear your thoughts and stories about how to manage to make money is this city.. or even in the bay area. Help show me that I am not alone in this quest to be better, have more and not be a sell out.